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Daily Habits for a Healthy Marriage


When people think of habits their mind goes straight to bitten fingernails, pushing a project to the last minute, or being just a few minutes late to everything. It isn't often that we hear the word habit and our brain lists all of the positive quirks we've created over our lifetimes. As time passes we can become very resistant to change, so it is important that we create positive habits within a marriage. That way while we are constantly learning how to be a better spouse we can have good habits to make the journey a little easier. I would like to take you through what I consider to be an ideal day of healthy habits for marriage. Let's start with that alarm clock that plays what used to be your favorite song, until it started waking you up at 6:00 am. Until actions become habits, we are faced with choices. Like our very own married version of, Choose your own adventure books. Next to that alarm clock is your phone. On the other side of you is your spouse. Your first action should be a no brainer, right? Before you do anything in the morning, make a habit of acknowledging your spouse. Whether it be a kiss, a cuddle, or saying "I love you," don't let technology be the first thing you give your attention to when you get up in the morning. I cringe when I realize I have seen a celebrity's tweet, or an Instagram of breakfast before saying, "Good morning" to my wife. My wife normally sleeps in a bit longer than me so I like to get up and figure out a way to make her life a little easier. For me, I do something as small as putting the hot water kettle on and either squeezing a lemon into a mug or placing a tea bag in a mug, and placing it by the water. I may feed our two cats, Hemingway and Bucket to avoid having them pace on her head until she gets up. This task means something different for everyone, but make a habit of performing one small selfless task in the morning that can make your spouse's life easier. Normally then a couple will head their separate ways for the day. I head to the QALO Office and my wife heads to her work, and workout. This time apart is no doubt positive for a marriage, but I also know that throughout the day my wife likes to know that I am thinking about her, and I like to check in to see how her day is going. Make a habit of sending a text, email, or calling your spouse just to check in. This brief period of communication can go a long way. A habit that I have had to break (my wife will confirm) is my habit of walking in my door and sitting down on the couch with a lazy, "Hey Sweetie" accompanying me. We are all guilty of doing it especially after a long day. When you come home make a habit of greeting your spouse with physical touch. Studies have shown that physical touch can actually increase health, not to mention it is a great communicator between partners without needing to use words. Following the physical touch, invest in each other's day. Make a habit of asking questions about your spouse's day. It is not necessarily about what we are asking, but when we are asking it. After a day apart my wife wants to talk to me (took me two years to realize that). Set the nightly distractions aside for just a little while, and engage in the ancient art of having a face-to-face conversation. Since day one I have given my wife a kiss and said, "I love you" before we fall asleep. It's often my favorite part of the day. This is one good habit I have created and don't plan on ever changing. Every night, before you fall asleep make a habit of finishing the day how you started, by acknowledging your spouse and saying, "I love you." Give a day like this a shot. I promise it won't hurt. KC